Grave Thoughts
by garden-nomes
Summary: Naomi visits Sophia's grave. One shot.


**A/N: So, while I'm waiting patiently (ok, maybe not so patiently) for Skins:Fire, for some reason I found myself re-watching ep 401. I was contemplating watching 402 as well, but that episode requires a plantation of tissues (and that's just for when Emily is in tears).**

**So, I wrote this, instead.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Skins, but if I did, I would have written Sophia out of the script. ENTIRELY! No one messes with Naomily, EVER!**

**(skimmed, but not properly proofread. apologies for any errors.)**

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"There's not much I regret, these past couple of years..." She says, after kneeling on the grass. It was a clear day, and the cemetery was as quiet as cemeteries usually are, she thought to herself.

She stares at the simple headstone that lays before her. Black granite, the sleek, simplicity of text chiseled into it.

**SOPHIA MOORE**

**1993 - 2010**

**DEARLY MISSED DAUGHTER**

It wasn't often that she thought of the girl she barely knew, who had stalked her. The girl she had slept with, as a mistake she later sorely regretted. The girl who very publicly jumped to her death. But the thought of her had been nagging lately, and this was the only thing she could do that might tame some of the guilt that she was sick of feeling.

"I don't even know what I'm doing here... It's not like you can hear me, is it?" She sighed. She stared at the headstone again. Someone has tended to her grave recently, the usual decaying flowers one finds at a grave site have been recently replaced with ceramic versions... Not bad looking, for those wanting to keep the flowers they bestow on their loved ones grave as pristine as their freshly cut counterparts.

Everything decays and dies in the end, she thought to herself.

"So, as I was saying... Not too much I regret." She says again. "Actually most of my regrets seem to concern you." Her tone becomes quiet.

She knows she can't hear her.

Knows it's being said to thin air.

But she still has to say it.

"I'm sorry, Sophia." The words still sound hollow on her lips. So, she tries a little more.

"I... I'm sorry that what happened between us didn't mean anything to me. I could never love you the way you deserved. I... Always wanted someone else... Emily. It's always been her, and I don't know what I did to make you think that there was a chance for something between us, but there never was."

She finds it hard to get the words out, but she knows it has to be said, in spite of the fact that the words don't really matter now, and what's done is done.

""Uh... I'm only partially sorry I sold you the drugs. I needed the money, so... Christ, if I had known it would end up like this, I'd never have..." She takes a deep breath. "Of all the uni open days..." She mutters, before stopping again.

"See, I was scared... I know it's a shit excuse, but it's true. Emily terrified me, she still does, because what I feel for her is this love that is completely overpowering... I'm a little more used to it now, but back then it made me feel crazy a lot of the time. I didn't know how to handle it, and I guess part of that was me deciding whether I wanted to be with her or not." She explains.

"We were just kids, Sophia. We all were, and kids do stupid things. Like shagging someone you shouldn't, or taking drugs and jumping to your death." She pauses as she realises how ridiculous that sounds. "Ok, maybe not every teenager jumps to their death, but you get the idea..."

The wind blows across the green, as a bird lands on top of the headstone, perched there, curiously watching the blonde girl who kneels at the grave. It pauses to preen itself, and then takes a spectacularly messy shit right on top of the headstone, before flying off.

The blonde scoffs. "See? Even when you're dead people will still shit all over you."

She takes a couple of tissues out of her pocket and carefully wipes off the mess that the bird left behind. "There, that's the least I can do. I know it's not the same as giving your life back... I can't do that, unfortunately." She stares at the headstone.

The wind picked up, and the blonde felt herself shiver. It was getting late, and the chill had start to set itself in.

"I regret not talking to you more, I could have helped you out with what you were going through. I know that can't have been easy on you." She said, quietly. "I suppose no one of us really have it easy... Coming out, being accepted... It's a hard thing to have to deal with." She said, thinking of Emily and her bigoted mother. "You really have to be quite brave."

Emily. Beautiful Emily, who forgave her for what she had done, and had finally learned to trust her again. Emily was more a part of her now than ever before.

"You know... It was Emily who made me come here today." She says, tilting her head upwards to the sky. "She was so angry, when she found out. She wouldn't have, if you hadn't..."

The blonde sighs deeply, and continues what she has to say. "We don't often talk about it, it's a bit of a touchy subject. But... The guilt has been getting to me lately, more than it has before, so she suggested I come and talk to you. You know, as closure."

She shakes her head slowly. "But, I fail to see how talking to fantastically carved bit of granite and a box of decaying flesh and bones is going to help what I feel." She swallows. "Emily tells me that your death isn't my fault... I might have sold you the drugs, but you are the one who got up there... You're the one who jumped."

"Was I the reason you jumped?" She sits there for a while, pondering her words. She knows she isn't going to get an answer. "Maybe it's better that I don't know the real answer to that."

"Why couldn't you just put me out of your mind and move on?" She whispers. "Then you would still be alive, and I wouldn't feel this regret and I wouldn't have nearly lost the one person who means everything to me."

She runs her fingers through her shoulder length blonde hair and sighs deeply.

"There are too many questions I have no answers for, and this does nothing to assuage any guilt I feel." She grumbles, getting to her feet, brushing stray blades of grass from her knees.

"So, I guess I should do what you couldn't. And I've tried... But no matter how much I've moved on, and how much stronger Emily and I are now... I still can't put you out of my mind." She continues. "I thought maybe if I came to say I was sorry, that might help a little."

She looks at the headstone, now standing above it. "I guess time will tell on that one." She pauses. "I'm not coming back again, so..."

She turns and walks away from the grave, and out of the cemetery. She can't think of a farewell that would make any difference. Because Sophia was dead, and she couldn't talk back.

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**Reviews welcome :)**


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